THE SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known “happy going marriage”.

Editor: ” Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? “

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: ” We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said “This is your first time”. She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?” .
She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.”

Husband: “That’s it. We are happy ever after. “

!!!!!….Other People’s Problems….!!!!!

A mouse looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package; what food might it contain? He was aghast to discover that it was a mousetrap!

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning, “There is a mouse trap in the house.” The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me; I cannot be bothered by it.”

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mouse trap in the house.”

“I am so very sorry Mr. Mouse,” sympathized the pig, “but there is nothing I can do about it but pray; However, you can be assured you are in my prayers.”

The mouse turned to the cow, who replied, “Like wow, Mr. Mouse, a mouse trap; am I in grave danger, Duh?”

So . . . the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected to face the farmer’s mouse trap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house, like the sound of a mouse trap catching its prey. The farmer’s wife rushed in to see what was caught.

In the darkness, she did not see that it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer’s wife and the farmer rushed her to the hospital. She returned home with a fever. Now, everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient His wife’s sickness continued as friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer’s wife did not get well, in fact, she died and, so many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide meat for all of them to eat.

MORAL of the Story
So . . .the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it does not concern you, remember that, when the least of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

@~!No More Complaints!~@

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.

From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed -
“Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease”?

To this Arthur Ashe replied – The world over — 50,000,000 children start playing tennis, 5,000,000 learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals.

When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD “Why me?”
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD “Why me?”

Happiness keeps u Sweet,
Trials keep u Strong,
Sorrow keeps u Human,
Failure Keeps u Humble,
Success keeps u Glowing and God Keeps u Going…..

How careers end…

Cooks are deranged.

Lawyers are disbarred.

Ministers are defrocked.

Drunks are distilled.

Alpine climbers are dismounted.

Piano tuners are unstrung.

Orchestra leaders are disbanded.

Office clerks are defiled.

Programmers are decoded.

Accountants are discredited.

Pastry chefs are deserted.

Perfume makers are dissented.

Butterfly collectors are debugged.

Students are degraded.

Electricians are refused.

Underwear models are debriefed

Painters are discoloured.

Judges are disappointed.

Vegas dealers are discarded.

Mathematicians are discounted.

!!! A ‘To’ Z Of Motivation !!!

A void negative sources, people, places, things and habits.

B elieve in yourself.

C onsider things from every angle.

D on’t give up and don’t give in.

E njoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come.

F amily and friends are hidden treasures; enjoy their riches.

G ive more than you planned to.

H ang on to your dreams.

I gnore those who try to discourage you.

J ust do it.

K eep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.

L ove yourself first and most.

M ake it happen.

N ever lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.

O pen your eyes and see things as they really are.

P ractice makes perfect.

Q uitters never win and winners never quit.

R ead, study and learn about everything important in your life.

S top procrastinating.

T ake control of your own destiny.

U nderstand yourself in order to better understand others.

V isualize it.

W ant it more than anything.

X cellerate your efforts.

Y ou are unique of all God’s creations, nothing can replace YOU.

Z ero in on your target and go for it!

Two Minute Training

As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

“Well,” he said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.

They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.” I was amazed.

These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in
summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree’s life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral:

Don’t let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don’t judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches
and better times are sure to come some time or later

Warm wishes for a blessed life….

!~@Priceless!@~

A husband wakes up with a huge hangover the night after a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! The husband sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping Love you!

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

The husband asks: Son . . . what happened last night??

Son: Well, you came home after 3 am , drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.?

The husband asks: Huh?! So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??

His son replies: Oh, THAT? Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, Leave me alone, bitch! I’m married!??

Broken table–$200

Hot breakfast–$5

Red rose bud–$3

Two aspirins–$.25

Saying the right thing, at the right time . . . PRICELESS!

!~Teacher jokes~!

TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: “HIJKLMNO”!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: George!
Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!
Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I’m Billy Anderson.
Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day?
Alfred: I get up early.
Teacher: Didn’t you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you didn’t? Student: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn’t have to keep yours.
Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Harold: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.” That’s what I did.
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.
Don: I hope you didn’t either.
Gary: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What’s that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.
Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jose: Don’t bite any.
Teacher: Max, use “defeat,” “defense” and “detail” in a sentence. Max: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail.
Teacher: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you have?
Sasha: A new bike.
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don’t know my father.
Teacher: If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!
“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.
“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
“No.”
“I’m the principal’s daughter.”
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank goodness!”

Have a laugh!

Out in the Wild West a cowboy found an Indian with his ear pressed to the ground. ‘What are you listening to?’ asked the cowboy. ‘A stage coach passed this way five minutes ago,’ said the Indian.

‘How can you tell?’ asked the cowboy.

‘It ran over me and broke my neck,’ replied the Indian.

A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, ‘When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it.’ ‘Sorry,’ replied the owner, but I can’t sell you that.’

‘Why not?’ asked the customer. ‘Because that’s my husband.’