!~@Priceless!@~

A husband wakes up with a huge hangover the night after a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! The husband sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping Love you!

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

The husband asks: Son . . . what happened last night??

Son: Well, you came home after 3 am , drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.?

The husband asks: Huh?! So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??

His son replies: Oh, THAT? Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, Leave me alone, bitch! I’m married!??

Broken table–$200

Hot breakfast–$5

Red rose bud–$3

Two aspirins–$.25

Saying the right thing, at the right time . . . PRICELESS!

Have a laugh!

Out in the Wild West a cowboy found an Indian with his ear pressed to the ground. ‘What are you listening to?’ asked the cowboy. ‘A stage coach passed this way five minutes ago,’ said the Indian.

‘How can you tell?’ asked the cowboy.

‘It ran over me and broke my neck,’ replied the Indian.

A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, ‘When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I’d like to buy it.’ ‘Sorry,’ replied the owner, but I can’t sell you that.’

‘Why not?’ asked the customer. ‘Because that’s my husband.’

My cooperative wife!

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: “You were going at least 75 km/hr in a 55 zone.”

Man: “No sir, I was going 60.”

Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80.”

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.”

Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!”

Wife: “Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.”

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.”

Man: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”

Wife: “Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.”

Man turns to his wife and yells: “Shut your mouth!”

Officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”

Wife: “No, only when he’s drunk.”

Branded statements….. Getting caught is the mother of all the inventions.

Monkey Business

Once in America a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Tying their belts”

Officer: “What were the airhostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Checking the system”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Looking for my people”

Officer: “After 10′ minutes what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks”

Officer: “What were the airhostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Serving the travelers”

Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Eating & throwing”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading”

Officer: “What were the airhostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Make up”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Nothing”

Officer: “Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “All were sleeping”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the air hostess”

Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! !

No more Questions!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!