Negative**people !!!!!!!!!!

Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable with negativity.

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

We’re taking Continental Airlines,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha’ doing when you get there?”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hair-dresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continentals brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”

“Oh really! What’d he say?” the miffed hairdresser said, feeling smaller by the minute - “Where’d you get that crappy hairdo?”

Best Court Case (Insurance Policy)

THIS IS THE BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

A Charlotte, NC lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued… and WON!

(Stay with me.)

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer “held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire” and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the “fires.”

NOW FOR THE BEST PART…

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

What Makes A perfect Partner..

Someone who knows what you need before you say it.

Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.

Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.

Someone that’s there for you during the good and bad times.

Someone who is caring .

Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.

Someone who is interested in reality and not as a fashion display.

Someone who is honest.

Someone you can trust them like a sibling, confide in like a friend but most of all, love as the great lover they are.

Someone who is open and responsive.

Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to your needs.

Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the relationship.

Someone who understands listening is a key, but using what is heard is even more important.

Someone who’s there for you no matter what.

Someone who is trustful.

Someone who is a friend.

Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.

Someone with a great sense of humour.

Someone who has things in common with you.

Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are and tries not to make you something else.

Someone with a constant open ear, open heart, and open mind to accept and love people for who the really are.

Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without argument and love you for everything that you are.

Someone that can get a point across without yelling.

Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.

Someone that has a personality with qualities you don’t have yourself, but admire greatly in them.

Someone who realizes you’re two separate people, and appreciates the differences.

Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it personally.

Someone who understands the difference between PMS, and a real problem.

Someone who can make you happy when your sad.

Someone who tells you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it.

Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.

Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter what.

Someone that you can laugh with.

Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don’t care what kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will still love you no matter what.

Someone who will love you in spite of your little idiosyncrasies.

Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.

Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!

Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.

Someone who will respect you.

Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.

Someone who knows you’re not perfect, but treats you as though you are.

Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of inspiration

Top 10 Tech Support Solutions…

Well, I have consulted with several Technical Support agents for an un-named company and here are some of the top 10 answers that they thought were effective to get customers off the phone:

10. Clear your internet cache! There are all kinds of nasty little buggers and malicious content that could be in there damaging your PC. After clearing the cache, make sure to wait 30 minutes for your computer to re-index itself and adjust to the new changes.

9. Reboot in safe mode! Safe mode is a diagnostic mode. Its almost like running a dedicated IV-Line to your computer, once in safe mode, allow your computer to run for approximately 1 hour in that mode.

8. Flush your DNS! Well, no wonder silly! You haven’t applied the system cleanse to your machine. Websites like CNN.com that you are trying to look are constantly being updated to keep you up to date. Without having your DNS flushed frequently, how are you supposed to download new content from the webserver?

7. Disable the firewall! Having a firewall is like having a giant condom over your computer. It is essentially the root of all evil, and is preventing you from doing what you WANT and NEED to do. Disable it, restart, and be sure to allow the appropriate power down time for the firewall (approximately 30 minutes).

6. Disable your anti-virus software! To immediately fix your problem, you have to disable your Anti-virus. Honestly, would you pump tons of antibiotics into your own bloodstream 24/7/365? I didn’t think so. Allow for 2 hours for the anti viruses to dissipate.

5. The bounce-back blame! Can’t you see, the bounce back message clearly states that the message was not sendable to the recipient, this means that his/her box is currently down. Please consult with the person you are trying to send to and have them fix it.

4. The famous format! If you have run through our knowledge base on known fixes for this issue, we are going to have to format your hard drive. Simply plug in the start disc that was provided with your PC and follow the on-screen instructions. Once this is complete, your computer will run like brand new!

3. Send it to Report Spam! So you are currently getting spam? Who is it comming from? What was the title of the spam message? Oh, thank you SO MUCH for reporting this spammer. Your kind suggestions will help us protect the millions of customers running on our mail systems from malicious and thoughtless spammers. You have done a great deed. Please forward this message to reportspam@company.com (aka electronic garbage can).

2. Reboot your system! The system reboot is to the PC, as Windex is to the universal cure-all for everything. Would you go without sleep for days on end? Thats right, neither will your PC. Let your PC rest for a while and reboot it!

1. Check your Pulse! If all else fails, I will go ahead and send you a custom guide on how to check your pulse. You are quite possibly the most idiotic person I have ever spoken with, and I am really questioning that you are a living multi-celled organism. Please use this guide to check your pulse, if it comes up negative good, you have an excuse for being that stupid. If it comes up positive, please go do the world a favor, and kill yourself.

Sometimes, being blunt is the key to resolving an issue. Sometimes being absolutely ridiculous is the key to staying sane. Sometimes its just extremely fun to take advantage of dumb people for your amusement.

Which one is the married one?

Teacher:- “Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?”

Little Johnny:- “None Miss”.

Teacher:- “Could you tell me why?”

Little Johnny:- “Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away”.

Teacher:- “Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking.”

Little Johnny:- “Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?”

Teacher:- “Its a bit irregular, but go on then”

Little Johnny:- “There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?”

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- “Err… I suppose it was the last one.”

Little Johnny:- “Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking.”

oops…..

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son – to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.

After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy’s phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why?

She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this.

The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, Junior said “the number u are trying to call is not reachable“.

Fate, Knowledge and Perfection

As for my prison sentence, al-Ghazali said that if we had perfect power like God to determine our destinies, & perfect vision like God to see the future & know what is best for us, we would choose exactly the fate that God chose for us.