Negative**people !!!!!!!!!!

Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable with negativity.

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

We’re taking Continental Airlines,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha’ doing when you get there?”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hair-dresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continentals brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”

“Oh really! What’d he say?” the miffed hairdresser said, feeling smaller by the minute - “Where’d you get that crappy hairdo?”

My cooperative wife!

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: “You were going at least 75 km/hr in a 55 zone.”

Man: “No sir, I was going 60.”

Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80.”

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.”

Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!”

Wife: “Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.”

Officer: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.”

Man: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”

Wife: “Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.”

Man turns to his wife and yells: “Shut your mouth!”

Officer turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”

Wife: “No, only when he’s drunk.”

Branded statements….. Getting caught is the mother of all the inventions.

Explaination

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came Home from work and David ran up to him yelling,
“Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today.”

“What?” his father replied.

“When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, ‘Jesus, I’m coming, Jesus I’m coming.’ If it wasn’t for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!”

Can You Hear?

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor
told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to
give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response.”

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was
in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see
what happens.”

Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”
No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his
wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again he gets no response so,

He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s
for dinner?”
Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

;

“James, for the FIFTH time I’ve said, CHICKEN!”

Moral of the story:

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

Someone Owes U?

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel
‘After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands n-a-k-e-d in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies

‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

The case dismissed

A young woman several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing …. …….. ….She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help  noticing she was pregnant.

She first sat under an advertisement, Which read:

‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’ .

I was even more amused when she changed her seat and went to sit under a shaving advertisement, Which read:

‘William’s Stick Did The Trick ‘.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, Which read:

‘ Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’

And The case was dismissed… …..!!!

@~!Birth Explained!~@

A little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers: “Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down…You’ll love this… .
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
‘You got Male!’

What Makes A perfect Partner..

Someone who knows what you need before you say it.

Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.

Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.

Someone that’s there for you during the good and bad times.

Someone who is caring .

Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.

Someone who is interested in reality and not as a fashion display.

Someone who is honest.

Someone you can trust them like a sibling, confide in like a friend but most of all, love as the great lover they are.

Someone who is open and responsive.

Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to your needs.

Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the relationship.

Someone who understands listening is a key, but using what is heard is even more important.

Someone who’s there for you no matter what.

Someone who is trustful.

Someone who is a friend.

Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.

Someone with a great sense of humour.

Someone who has things in common with you.

Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are and tries not to make you something else.

Someone with a constant open ear, open heart, and open mind to accept and love people for who the really are.

Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without argument and love you for everything that you are.

Someone that can get a point across without yelling.

Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.

Someone that has a personality with qualities you don’t have yourself, but admire greatly in them.

Someone who realizes you’re two separate people, and appreciates the differences.

Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it personally.

Someone who understands the difference between PMS, and a real problem.

Someone who can make you happy when your sad.

Someone who tells you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it.

Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.

Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter what.

Someone that you can laugh with.

Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don’t care what kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will still love you no matter what.

Someone who will love you in spite of your little idiosyncrasies.

Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.

Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!

Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.

Someone who will respect you.

Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.

Someone who knows you’re not perfect, but treats you as though you are.

Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of inspiration

Mother-in-law

A woman had 3 girls. One day she decides to test her sons-in-law. She invites the first one for a stroll by the lakeshore, purposely falls in and pretends to be drowning. Without any hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in and saves her.

The next morning, he finds a brand new Toyota car in his driveway with this message on the windshield…

“Thank you!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later, the lady does the same thing with the second son-in-law. He jumps in the water and saves her also. She offers him a new Honda car with the same message on the windshield…

Thank you!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later, she does the same thing again with the third son-in-law. While she is drowning, the son-in-law looks at her without moving an inch and thinks:

“Finaly! It’s about time that this old witch dies!

The next morning, he receives a brand new Ferrari car with this message…

THANK YOU!
Your father-in-law.

Why Women Cry Easily

One day, a young boy asked his mom.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because I’m a woman” she told him.

“I don’t understand ,” he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, “And you never will, but that’s okay.”

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mom seem to cry for no reason?”
“All women cry for no reason” was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry finally, he put in a call to God.

When God got back to him, he asked, “God, why do women cry so easily?”

God answered, “When I made women, I decided she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet her arms gentle nough to give comfort.

I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times will come, even from her own children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue, without complaining.
I gave her sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances even when her child has hurt her badly. She has the very special power to make a child’s boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager’s anxieties and fears.

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults, and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife but some times tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed, It is her’s to use whenever needed and is her only weakness.”

“When you see her cry, tell her how much u love her and all she does for everyone. And even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.” ” She is special!”